1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize