oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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