WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
