She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
