He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize