It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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