Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
