yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
