It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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