He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
