Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
