Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
