sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
