Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
