I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
