What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
