Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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