1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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