Someone shit on the floor
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
