i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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