I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
And then he peed in my hair
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