My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
