evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
