I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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