My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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