Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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