I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize