my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
