She announced her abortion via fbk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
