i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
