I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
