I will die if light touches me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize