my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You've changed since you got that strap on
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
