Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We left the knife in your bed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
