Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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