I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
