I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
