Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
