Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
