bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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