sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
