the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
