He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
