I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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