Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
