i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
