captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
