Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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