Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
