hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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