I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize