Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
