i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
