I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They took my balls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
