That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
