Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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