Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
