How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
