Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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