Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
