We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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