Define "chronic" masturbator.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
