Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
