Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
