I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
