I wish I could punch you in the face.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
