She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
