he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
false alarm. still invincible.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Randomize
