I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
