went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize