i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
