He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
