Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
