I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need water and some morals
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
