My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
