the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize